Things I keep near me at all times: a nail file, balm for my chronically dry lips, tissues for my constantly dripping nose, eye drops…and lately, a crystal or stone.
I have crystals and stones that I’ve collected over the years in every part of my house. They’re in my work-from-home office, my bedroom, my living room, dining room, art studio… There’s even one in my car. I really want to believe in the spiritual healing powers of stones. I used to keep a stone near me or in a pocket always. At some point I stopped.
As long as I can remember, I’ve been wary of organized religion, as in groups who gather in “brick and mortar” churches. This was largely due to my mother’s on again, off again relationship with the churches in the town where I grew up. My father attended church regularly, and sang in the choir. I remember being in the car, Mother driving us to church, and the radio transmitting the choir my father was singing in. At that point in my life – I was maybe 7 or 8 – I had the idea that music played on the radio was all live, and I imagined all the performers showing up at the radio station to perform, and then rotating out at the end of each song. I still laugh when I think about this. But I digress.
There was a lot of friction between my mother and her brother, Uncle Curtis. For holidays, we used to rotate gathering between my mother’s families’ homes. On one visit to Curt and Gloria’s house, I was sitting on the living room floor entertaining myself with some toy or another, and Mother and Curt were engaged in a volatile conversation about religion as Billy Graham preached through the tv in the background. I believe that was our last visit with any of Mother’s family. Later I was told the conversation had been around my sister’s desire to divorce her husband. That was a sin. We were “disowned” by Mother’s family.
In my thirties, my sister announced she wanted to find a church. Did I want to join her in her search? Yeah, why not, I thought. My daughters were in Middle School at that point and had never been to church. I thought it would be a good idea to initiate them and let them make their own decisions about church and religion. We chose a Presbyterian church after listening to the female pastor’s sermon. I liked what she said that day, and thought it was nice to finally hear from a woman behind the pulpit. We all became members. I eventually began helping out with Sunday School lessons for the kids, and…I even became a Deacon! That blows my mind. Me. Someone who cannot quote a single bible verse. I approached it the same way I did high school: study up the night before, take the test, get a decent grade, then forget everything.
As a Deacon, I got a look behind the curtains, and I didn’t like what I saw. Some of the people who had called our Pastor to lead the church had had a change of heart. They made it their mission to make her life as miserable as possible, presumably in the hope that she would leave. The spying and gossiping were too much for me. When my girls graduated high school I stopped going, and so did they.
After moving to Tennessee in 2001, I felt the need to try out a church or two, but I never felt comfortable. I don’t care for the model you’re welcomed in, and then immediately pressured into service. Wait a minute – I just got here. Let me check the temperature of the water first. I could never commit.
Then I found a spiritual group online. What I heard there resonated with me. Their message: We’re here to experience joy and learn from the lives we’ve chosen. I followed that group for several years, even joining an ocean cruise with them, having never met any of them in person. It was a great experience for a lot of reasons – all documented in my “South Pacific Cruise” series.
I eventually stepped away even from that though. Their message felt redundant, and life got busy and stressful again. I wasn’t able to keep sight of what I really needed.
These days I’m listening to podcasts from people sharing several perspectives about religion and spirituality. I attended a spiritual fair recently, and was drawn to the room filled with crystals and stones. I bought a few to add to my collection. They are: Chrysanthemum Stone (grounding), Aquatine Calcite (energy flow/calmness), and Amazonite (calm/balance). Will they change my life? Probably not. But they help me remember to stop and check in with myself.
