Rediscovering Joy Through Art: My Healing Journey

I have recently restarted my painting practice, and what a life-changer! I sat in anxiety and fear for years – art studio gathering dust – paintings in storage.

I had been dealing with some depression…disconnectedness. It crept in slowly…as it can…and had gone on for so long, I forgot what it was like to be joyful. I accepted it as my new normal. But I missed my old self. Eventually, through some divine interventions, I was able to break through the fog. It took several intentional changes in my lifestyle and weaning off a neurologic prescription to get there, but eventually, I began to feel better again.

Then one day I started moving forward. First, I reorganized my studio, making friends with the space again. Next, I began playing. Just dabbling. Soon after, an Art Healing Workshop appeared on my social feed, and I signed up for that. A full week of self-reflection through art gave me the boost I needed. I signed up for the monthly membership, where I get to have regular working sessions with others across the country.

Last weekend, I did my first live art show in probably ten years, and it felt wonderful! I was excited to get some of my new work out into the world and dip my toes into the live show experience. I came away, elated! People commented on the deep textures and bright colors I use in my floral paintings. They enjoyed their whimsical feel. I loved hearing what people had to say. I felt validated!

I am sure this is where I’m meant to be, at this moment. I believe I wasn’t ready until now. Now, I can fully appreciate my gift without self-judgment. It’s such a freeing experience to have given in to the thing that brings me so much joy!

A key part of this story is that I’ve forgiven myself for keeping my joy at bay for so long. I had things I needed to go through in order to get here…in order to appreciate the magic of this part of me.

Are you embracing the things that bring you joy today?

Have you ever had a breakthrough that suddenly brought you back into your joy?

For information about Leah Guzman’s Art Therapy program: LeahGuzmanStudio.com

To see more of my art: MelEricksonFineArt.com

Letting Go: A Path to Physical and Emotional Healing

I recently had an epiphany. Let me explain. A few months ago, I was diagnosed with a chronic condition that affects my digestion in extreme ways. Since then, I’ve tried all manner of supplements and laxatives, as well as a low fiber diet to try to get to a place of comfort.

Then, on a Thursday evening a few weeks ago, I was chatting with my friend, Mary, and she asked about my health. I shared with her that I had been feeling defeated earlier in the day, because all the adjustments I’d made had had little impact. My Gastrointestinal doctor’s advice was simply: “MiraLAX, and two kiwi a day.” In my moment of defeat, I said out loud to myself, What else can I do? I don’t know what to do. I started to tear up. But then my mind cataloged all the daily routines I’d been doing for months, and I realized I had been skipping my daily affirmations.

You see, I’ve long been a believer in the mind/body connection. I also believe we attract into our lives circumstances and things that align with the vibrations (energy) we send out into the world. For years, I’ve followed the likes of Louise Hay, Abraham-Hicks, and Mike Dooley. I fully believe Dooley’s catch phrase, “Thoughts become things.”

I’ve already achieved so much for myself through positive thoughts and intentionality, but sometimes I get busy and overwhelmed. I forget my power. Metaphysics has many more uses than just manifesting good parking spots. But I’m human. I need the Universe to give me a swift kick in the butt now and then.

As an example, a few months ago, I used positive affirmations to help me remediate the chronic fibromyalgia flare-up I’d been experiencing for over a year. I had gotten a couple nudges from the Universe that led me to search for my copy of Louise Hay and Mona Lisa Schulz’s book, ALL IS WELL. I looked up several of my symptoms in the reference at the back and learned which negative thoughts I was likely carrying around with me that might contribute to my symptoms. I wrote down the recommended positive affirmations and got busy.

No, I didn’t say the affirmations a couple times and suddenly I was healed. It doesn’t work that way. But the repetition of affirmations daily can help silence the negative messages that run wild in our brains. Think of it as meditating or praying. In this situation, the affirmations improved my mindset, and I was able to think through possible causes for my discomfort. Through a series of unexpected events, I was led to hire a company to remediate mold found in my home. I also began acupuncture therapy. I believe those two things got me over the hump and onto recovery.

Now, back to Thursday evening. As I rambled on to my friend, complaining over my lack of progress, I paused, and said, “But I am feeling a little better now. I haven’t been doing my affirmations every day. I haven’t done any in a while. So I got my book out and looked up a bunch of conditions related to stomach, colon, and digestion.” I paused again, the wheels turning, then said, “You know what?”

“What?”

“Every one of the affirmations for these conditions had to do with letting go of the past!”

That’s when it hit me! Right there, in Mary’s living room, I had my epiphany! I said:

“I need to let go of my memoir!”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yes. For over a year now I’ve been sharing my trauma stories with my writer friends every week on that Zoom call I told you about. I need to let that go!”

This was HUGE! I have identified with this project for so many years, feeling determined it was important work that the world needed. I had conned myself into believing my motivation for publishing was primarily to help others. If I could survive my trauma and come out thriving (was I though?), surely my audience would be inspired to keep going! And there was that Creative Writing Professor who told me I should pursue publication after I submitted my class project: a collection of my teenage journal entries and poetry, strung together with a little prose.

Suddenly, I saw things differently. I hadn’t been honest with myself. Sure, it might be possible that someone would buy my memoir, read it, and think, “Wow. If she could survive that, surely I can survive this.” But there are so many memoirs out there today telling similar stories. Do we really need another? Revisiting those stories repeatedly had been damaging to my psyche. It was time for me to let go of my past and put my energy into creating something new and positive for my future.

I cannot fully express the level of relief I felt once I made that connection! It was almost instantaneous! I felt lighter, happier…relieved! This was several weeks ago, and I am still riding the wave. I look forward to working on something new. Will letting go of my memoir really help my digestive system heal? Time will tell.

Today’s affirmation from ALL IS WELL:

“As I release the past, the new and fresh and vital enter. I allow life to flow through me.”

Does the think Universe (God, Allah, Spirit) sends you messages?

Do you “get” the message the first time around or do you need a few nudges? I’m curious to know!

Embracing Creativity: Lessons from an Unstable Parent

My mother was creative…and restless. The lifestyle my father’s job as a commercial contractor could afford her was not enough to make her happy. We lived in a sprawling ranch house built by my father, located in California’s San Benancio Valley. My father’s job kept him away through the week. On weekends there was constant arguing.

I believe my mother was bipolar but she was never diagnosed. She was definitely paranoid. In his absence, she would rant about what a bad person my father was, and claim he was trying to have her put away. My guess is he tried to get her to talk to someone, and her paranoia spun its own version of the story.

Mother would swing without warning from fits of depression to bursts of energy where she would enlist my sisters and me to “help” her with these massive projects around the house and the property. She’d be in bed for a week, and suddenly we’re all waxing the parquet wood floors in our sunken living room. Or pouring cement into frames my father built so we could have stairs down to the creek.

Living with Mother was a wild ride. But in her good moods she taught me to sew. She taught me about crafting. Our family portraits were framed in Plaster of Paris frames Mother made herself and embellished with gold leaf. One year we made Christmas trees out of old Readers Digest magazines, folding the top outside corner of each page to the middle binding. The magazines were then stood on end, pages fanned out, front and back covers glued together. The trees were spray painted and glittered, and displayed proudly around the house for the holiday season.

Mother gardened like a maniac, and made jams and jellies from our many fruit trees and berry vines. She made sauces from our tomatoes. There seemed to always be something in the pressure cooker. Homemade concord grape juice concentrate was stored in our deep freeze in the garage.

Mother was broken but I believe her creativeness kept her going – for a time. She has been gone now more than 30 years. I’ve had my own challenges with emotional well-being, largely from living with Mother’s lack of emotional well-being. But I am so very thankful to have experienced the creative part of her. Because of what I learned from my mother, I am an avid gardener, visual artist, crafter, and kitchen experimenter. And I believe that has saved me.

Is there someone in your life story who is/was broken, but has shared with you their beautiful gifts? What were your challenges in reconciling your feelings for this person?

Fitting In vs. Belonging: My Personal Journey

Lately I’ve been working on my memoir – still and forever, if I’m honest – and things have come up, as they do. One topic that’s been rattling around in my head is the idea of fitting in vs. belonging.

Throughout my childhood and as a young adult, I put substantial effort into fitting in. I would do, say, or even wear certain things, hoping for the acceptance I desired. I craved positive attention and was willing to hide parts of myself to get it. I didn’t know the difference between fitting in and belonging.

Brené Brown says, “True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are. It requires us to BE who we are.”

My insecurities were born in my early family life. I learned to moderate myself at a very young age. I never felt I belonged in our household of five. I experienced trauma as a child stemming from my mother’s erratic behavior and the absence of my father. I was the youngest of three girls, raised by an emotionally toxic mother, whose behavior had estranged my father. I don’t excuse him for leaving us all to deal with Mother on our own, but I do see how living with my mother must have pushed him away.

With an age gap of six and nine years between my sisters and me – me being the youngest – it felt like I had three mothers. I was told what to do, when to do it, how to do it. I learned to keep my mouth shut and not try to express an opinion, lest I be chastised or ridiculed. I was emotionally squashed. I grew up afraid to open my mouth at home, at school, in any social situation. Even now, in my sixties, and after many years in and out of therapy, I still struggle.

As a young woman, I was thin and pretty. I had no problem attracting men. And there were a lot of them – some flings, some relationships. But none of those encounters led to true happiness. I was always modifying myself in hopes of gaining acceptance and love, but then would wake up one day and realize I’d latched onto someone who wasn’t intellectually stimulating or willing to grow or let me grow. I equated sex with love. But that’s a whole other story not for this post.

As an adult, I became an overachiever in my career, addicted to the attention I received for being smart, efficient, or professional. The positive feedback I received fooled me into believing I belonged. But I was only barely surviving, courtesy of a separate persona I developed that masked my true self. I would pull it on like an overcoat when I left the house and then come home at the end of the day, exhausted. I was an introvert, living an extroverted existence, five days a week. I had a constant need to prove myself worthy. Imposter syndrome, anyone?

Socially, I would try again and again to connect with people and take it personally when I realized they weren’t interested. It was discouraging to try so hard to be accepted only to be disappointed when I didn’t come away with the prize.  

Eventually, I took time to think about what may be going wrong for me. And I remembered some people who have tried to connect with me over the years when I wasn’t interested. So, was my experience Karma or just human nature? I’m going with human nature. And sometimes it’s just timing. We’re not aligned in what we’re looking for today, but maybe later, as we all learn about ourselves and life, we’ll cross paths again and both want to connect.

While painful, revisiting these disappointing memories has been good for me. It has helped me work through some feelings and connect some dots. Sometimes we need to accept that this thing we think we want is just not a good fit. I believe anything that leaves you feeling empty isn’t worth your time and energy.

These days, I’m in a more objective place, where I’m willing to show my uniqueness to people I meet and not have the expectation that they be drawn to that. I remind myself before going into a new social setting that I will either be accepted or not, but either way, I’ll be okay. I’m a good person. I know that to be true.

I’m comforted knowing I have a small circle of close friends, whom I treasure, and who treasure me. Every one of them picked me, in spite of myself. And I picked them. I don’t feel the need to hide any part of me when I’m with them. These are the types of friendships where time and distance make no difference. Getting together feels easy and light, no matter how long it’s been. And that, my friends, is my definition of belonging.

What is your definition of belonging? What discoveries have you made about yourself as you interact with others and connect (or not) with others?

Day 4: Taos, NM

Earth Ship

We were only able to get close to and tour the EarthShip Visitor Center. It is a model home that they have repurposed as visitor center, and it is set up so that you can see all the inner workings. First you go through the greenhouse, where they grow all manner of things, and control the temperature of the home by opening and closing windows at different times of day. Rain water is collected to use inside the house. The water is recycled through intricate systems within the house. It is collected as rainwater and stored for cooking, cleaning, and showering. “Greywater”, is collected after sink and shower use, then filtered through plants and botanical filters. It can then be used in toilets. Once the water has fully cycled through the inside of the home, it is used to feed plants outside the home.

I was SOOO excited to get to see an Earth Ship! I had learned about them on CBS Mornings and the idea of seeing one someday had been hanging out in the back of my mind. Then, as we were planning, and each of us were throwing out our ideas for what to do on each stop in our trip, someone added Earth Ships! I was only one who voted “Must See”, but my friends humored me, and in the end, I think they were all glad we included that stop.

Taos Pueblo

Our next stop was the Taos Pueblo, a living Native American community that has been continuously inhabited for over 1,000 years. There was some rehab work happening on the exterior of the church while we were there. Several huts had signs out indicating they had crafts for sale. I purchased an original painting by an artist who has lived there his whole life. The painting is a beautiful night view of his grandmother’s hut, highlighting the adobe of the hut, with a string of red peppers hanging outside the door, against a deep blue sky full of shooting stars.

Antonio’s Restaurant

By the time we finished at the Pueblo we were ready for some good eats! One of my friends had heard Guy Fieri was a fan of Antonio’s Restaurant. We decided if it was good enough for Guy, it was good enough for us!

Taos Plaza

Of course we had to explore downtown. Taos Plaza was full of opportunities to find t-shirts, art, and more. There was construction all around where we were staying, but the walk was worth it, with beautiful gardens and art easily viewed along the way.

Day 3: Taos, NM

On day three of my girlfriend trip to New Mexico, we started at the Petroglyph National Monument, where we walked some trails and took about a million photos of the ancient drawings. It was unfortunate to find that some folks are destroying these treasures by adding their own drawings and initials to the volcanic rocks.

Afterwards we headed out towards Taos, admiring the beautifully constructed and painted highway infrastructure along the way.

We made an unplanned stop in Pojoaque, NM, where we learned about the Di Wae Powa “They Came Back”, or the return of the 100 Tewa pots. Over the years the Tewa tribe’s pots that were discovered were moved to the Smithsonian’s Indian Museum for storage. Beginning in 2015, the Poeh Museum Staff, along with Tewa representatives, began the process of reclaiming some of those pots and returning them to their home, in Pojoaque.

Lunch was at Sopaipilla Factory Restaurant also in Pojoaque.

After checking in to El Pueblo Lodge we drove to Rio Grande Gorge Bridge, where we walked the bridge, took lots of photos and then walked along the edge of the gorge.

Later that evening, we dropped in to The Alley Cantina for some chips, salsa, queso and fried mushrooms – yum! – and margaritas (not as fabulous as 12 Street, but still good).

Day 2: Albuquerque, NM

Day two of our New Mexico girls’ trip began with breakfast in the hotel. Meh.

After breakfast we walked across the street to the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center where we toured the museum and watched Comanche Indian Dancers.

I learned that baseball has been a big part of the 19 Pueblo communities as far back as 1885! Team members aged 15 – 55 would play together, and this is where a lot of mentoring would happen within the community.

Today there is a Northern Pueblo League and Southern Pueblo League.

Next we headed to Old Town for some shopping, and had lunch at El Sol de Mexico – Araceli.

There is a beautiful church in Old Town, known as the oldest church in Albuquerque, serving the community since 1706.

Exhausted from shopping, we headed back to the hotel to rest up a bit, then back to 12th Street Tavern for dinner (no margaritas this time) and time to firm up plans for day three.

Day 1: Albuquerque, NM

My girlfriend trip to New Mexico started today! We’ll spend two nights in Albuquerque, two nights in Taos, two nights in Santa Fe, then one more night in Albuquerque, before our flights home. There are four of us: one from Nashville, two from St Louis, and one from Mesa, AZ.

I had an early start, coming from Nashville and connecting thru Atlanta. My Nashville flight boarded at 7:30 am, so got myself to bed at 9:30 pm and set my alarm for 4:30 am.

Unfortunately, my body decided 2:00 am would be a good time to wake up, so after tossing and turning for another hour or so I got up and got myself out the door.

I was a couple hours early for my flight so decided to treat myself to breakfast at Titans Press Box. Two eggs, a biscuit, tater tots (enough for a table of four imo), a side of sausage and a coffee set me back $40 with tip! Holy Canoli, Batman!

Two hour layover in ATL, which wasn’t bad. On the ABQ leg I enjoyed an inflight movie, “IF”, which was cute, then watch a couple episodes of the new Frasier, which I expected was not going to be as good as the original, but I found it quite funny!

Here’s some art from the ABQ airport:

Upon arrival at ABQ, I was picked up by two of the ladies on the trip who had arrived earlier, and we went to lunch while we waited for our fourth’s plane to arrive.

Lunch was at Pollito con Papas, where I learned about Chicken Stuffed Potatoes. Pretty tasty!

We picked up our last travel buddy, and then headed to the hotel, which was conveniently within walking distance of 12th Street Tavern, so after settling in, we headed over for nibbles and beverages. And by the way, 12th Avenue Tavern has just about the best margaritas I’ve ever tasted! Two margaritas and some cheesecake later, we purchased a four pack of Sadie’s Classic Margaritas on the way out and continued our party back at the hotel.

Next morning note to self: three margaritas = one too many margaritas. 🍹

Day 6: A Day in Salamanca Spain!

This was an early-to-rise day, as we needed to be on our buses at 8:00 for the trip to Salamanca, Madrid, Spain. So, we were up at 6:30, hit the breakfast buffet, and boarded our bus in time for our 8:15 departure!

As we were driving along, our tour guide informed us that we were about to see a border crossing like none we’d ever seen before. We were riding along windy and sometimes precarious roads and at some point we could see a bridge in the distance. Our guide said, “Be ready!” We crossed the bridge, and he said, “We’re in Spain!” That was it! We crossed a bridge and we were in Spain. No checkpoint, no gate…nothing! Just drive right on in!

On the way we say some beautiful views of communities, and stork nests. We stopped at a little cafe for a bathroom break and some lovely coffee.

Once in Salamanca, this was our map for the day.

We started at the Plaza, but immediately went on to the Mercado, where we saw lots of fish, produce, and cured meats. We also learned that some meats are cured for 5-8 years! The longer the meat is cured, the more expensive it is. Some was selling for $100+ / kilo!

Our next stop was the Art Deco Museum. We weren’t allowed to take photos inside, but I did take one before I was caught!

Then on to Catedral Nueva “New Cathedral”, which is literally attached to the Old Cathedral, so that we had to walk through the New Cathedral to get to the Old Cathedral. There were two different weddings in progress while we were there, in different locations. Old Cathedral is such a popular place for weddings that you need to reserve five years in advance! In some cases, a young woman will reserve the Cathedral first, and then look for a husband. If they don’t find a husband in time, they may sell the reservation. Truth!

I stopped for some pics at Casa de las Conchas (House of Shells). This mansion is covered in scalloped shells, the symbol of the military Order of Santiago. This is a very eclectic building in terms of the styles in which is was architected. I don’t have the space (or photos) to add it all here, but if you follow the link above you can learn more.

Centuries ago, when a student earned their PhD, the family would host a celebration. The entire city participated, and there was a bullfight. After the bullfight, the student would write their name on the University wall in bull’s blood, mixed with olive oil and herbs. The writing still remains to this day.

Meet the Salamanca frog (If you can find him). At the entrance to the Universidad Civil, hidden in the carved stonework above the Puerta de Salamanca facade, is the Salamanca frog. It is believed that if you spot it you’ll have good luck in the following year (especially in exams). In the second pic in the slide deck below, if you zoom in on the skull on the left side of the pillar you’ll see the frog. The third picture shows an example of some the creative work added in a 20th century restoration project. Somewhere, on one of the pillars (not pictured), you’ll find a gargoyle eating ice cream!

Back at the Plaza, I had a refreshing beer and a Spanish meat pie called “hornazo” while we waited for our group to come back together.

Plaza Mayor is a huge esplanade in the city center. The esplanade construction was begun by King Philip III, whose statue stands in the square. At the top of the bell tower there is a stork nest. The storks weren’t interested in nesting elsewhere, so metal frames were installed to protect the nests, the stork babies, and the people who may pass under the nests.

Francisco Franco Bahamonde was a Spanish dictator who led the Nationalist forces in overthrowing the Second Spanish Republic during the Spanish Civil War. He ruled over Spain from 1939 to 1975. Since his passing in 1975, there has been an effort to remove all references to his face and name in public view. You’ll see an example of that in the last picture in the slide deck below, where his face has been removed from the medallion on the pillar on the left, but the face of Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, who was the Spanish writer known for Don Quixote, remains on the pillar on the right.

Here’s some cool art I found along the way. There’s even a number if you’d like to contact the artist:

OMG! I almost forgot one of the best parts of the whole day the dogs of Portugal! They are everywhere! In the streets, sleeping in doorways, nobody owns them, they just live there, and people feed them. These two snoozers were waiting on the ramp to the boat when we returned:

Overall, it was a lovely day! I bought a coaster to commemorate it. 😄

Day 5: Castelo Rodrigo

On day 5 of our Viking River Cruise, we departed Pinhao for a beautiful sail to Pocinho, where we would make a short stop to allow some passengers off for an alternate excursion. We stuck to the included excursions, so we remained on board and enjoyed the view on the way to our final destination, Barca d’Alva. Our travel dates aligned with the start of the picking season, so we often spotted workers in the fields. I wasn’t able to get a picture of them, but there was one vineyard where the workers stopped picking, and jumped and waved their arms as they shouted a greeting to us. (I choose to believe it was a heartly hello!) Our Captain responded with a sounding of the ship’s horn.

Between breakfast and lunch, Chef Andrea demonstrated how to make Pastel de Nata (Portuguese Custard Tarts).

A short time later, we passed through the Pocinho Lock:

We arrived at Barca d’Alva after lunch and transferred to our designated bus to made the scenic trek to Castelo Rodrigo. You’ll see from some of the pictures coming up that there are people living in these old dwellings surrounding the castle. While the castle is only remains at this point, the area is a thriving tourist location. They even have 5g fiber, believe it or not!

There were so many beautiful pictures from this stop I have to add them in several separate slide decks. First we went down to the church:

Then I did some wandering on my own:

Then into the castle where they have a museum, and…an ATM:

After touring the castle on my own, I made my way back to my group, marveling at the beautiful views along the way. Back near the entrance there were shops were filled with – you guessed it – cork products, olive products and wine! In one of the shops I tasted Almond Sparkling Wine, which was a mixture of almond liqueur made only in that area of Portugal and sparkling wine. If I hadn’t already bought a few bottles of wine from some of our other stops I would have grabbed some of that Almond liqueur, but I knew I was already near the tipping point on my suitcase weight limit, so I had to walk away sad. 😦

On the ride back I was able to get a few pics of the pigeon houses. Our guide told us a story of how pigeons were, and still are used as food in Portugal (pigeon rice, yum!). Also, their droppings are used as fertilizer. There was a time long ago when Coca-Cola was banned (I don’t remember when and couldn’t find a reference online), and so smugglers stored it in the pigeon houses. Pigeon houses were scattered among the rocky hills all along our route. This is the best picture I was able to get: